We are hesitant to allow ourselves to recognize realities that could hurt us.
This is a form of denial, something which all of us adhering to the 12 Steps have practiced at one time or another. Some of us have used it as a survival mechanism.
Perhaps we've denied certain things in our history, or things we've felt. Maybe we've denied the problems of others, or even our own problems, emotions, thoughts, desires, or needs. We haven't been completely honest with ourselves; we haven't recognized the truth.
Being in denial means refusing to face a situation for what it is, most often because we perceive that doing so would hurt us. We are at risk of losing something -- the love of a family member, spouse, or friend, a dream we have, or perhaps a bond of trust -- and we want to avoid the hurt that will come with losing that special something or someone.
We use denial to protect ourselves, to insulate the soul from outside attack. It will shield our true thoughts or feelings until we are strong enough to deal with the situation on hand. No matter how much the people around us try to hammer the truth into us, we will not acknowledge it until we are adequately prepared.
We are remarkably resilient yet very fragile creatures. It's natural that sometimes we will need periods of denial to cope, to ready ourselves for what is coming. It's not healthy to move out of denial by forcing ourselves into acceptance; we will find an easier way to let it go when we have become strong and prepared enough to deal with reality.
We will know when it's the right time to do this. There's no need to get down on ourselves for living in a state of denial. Instead, we must learn to work ourselves through love into a place of safety and strength, so that we will be able to face the truth head-on. There will come a time when we're ready to face and deal with the truth, but this will be on our own schedule, when we know we are ready, and when our Higher Power sanctions it. We do not have to feel less-than, ashamed, or guilty for keeping this schedule.
There will come a time when we will be fully immersed in what we need to know, and that time is not always now. God will open our eyes, when we're ready to see the truth.
