Conflict is not about winning or losing. It's about learning.

Conflict is inevitable in our lives. We have conflicts with others, yes, and many times we even have conflicts than live within ourselves.


Some time today or in the near future, a "problem" is going to arise between me and someone I know. How do I respond?


Following my principles seems like a good start. I am expected to be true to myself, but I'm also expected to get along with others and listen respectfully to their beliefs. 


But I'm not sure about approaching any situation with an automatic assumption of win/lose. Can we be "right" and still lose? Can we accept that? On the other hand, how would you feel about winning a debate even though, in your heart, you feel you were in the wrong?

The only way to "win" is to present my perspective and then give the outcome to God, ensuring that I avoid resentment and bitterness. Would that more people could avoid the win/lose thinking and self-righteousness that has launched bitter feuds and even wars, all based on pride and self-justification for the sake of being "right" at all costs.

Being in a Twelve Step program does NOT mean we automatically are exempt from conflict. However, practicing our principles give us the opportunity -- no, the privilege -- of rising above the fray to know real peace, regardless of who "wins" or "loses." Thankfully, it is also our privilege to share these principles with others so that they may know the same peace.


Remember, conflict is really just a means to help us to learn more about ourselves and others, and to grow spiritually. Let's look at conflict in terms of the benefits it can provide, rather than as something to fear.