When "Pleased to meet you!" has a dark side

"Pleased to meet you." Such an innocuous phrase. Yet it has a dark side.

Have you ever been around people-pleasers? They tend to be displeasing. Being around someone who is turned inside out to please another is often irritating and anxiety-producing.

People-pleasing is a behavior we may have adapted to survive in our family. We may not have been able to get the love and attention we deserved. We may not have been given permission to please ourselves, to trust ourselves, and to choose a course of action that demonstrated self-trust.

People-pleasing can be overt or covert. We may run around fussing over others, chattering a mile a minute when what we are really saying is, "I hope I'm pleasing you." Or, we may be more covert, quietly going through life making important decisions based on pleasing others, hoping they acknowledge and appreciate our sacrifices on their behalf.

Taking other people's wants and needs into consideration is an important part of our relationships. We have responsibilities to friends and family and employers. We have a strong inner responsibility to be loving and caring. But the sad fact is, people-pleasing backfires. Not only do others get annoyed with us, we often get annoyed when our efforts to please do not work as we planned. The most comfortable people to be around are those who are considerate of others but who ultimately please themselves. It's because they are comfortable in their own skin. We can sense that they don't need anything from us, and that helps us to relax in their presence.

Today, please help me God, work through my fears and begin to please myself.