Know someone who's very blunt? Thank them for it.

If you think over the people that you feel safest and most relaxed around, chances are that they’re direct individuals. They’re clear about what their thoughts, beliefs, and feelings are, and we’re never left uncertain about our standing with them.

Indirect people, however, are not to be trusted. They are either afraid or they refuse to be upfront about who they are, what they want, and how they’re faring. Though they may never make clear what principles they’re grounded on, you can be sure that they’ll eventually act on their truth. And people may find themselves destabilized and confused, not sure how to respond to something they never knew was coming.

Those of us in recovery need to remain vigilant in ensuring that we don’t skew an ethic. In practicing directness, we may slip into being harsh, rude, or inappropriate. Directness does not entail sharing every thought or feeling that passes through us. As with anything, we need to apply tact, grace, and self-control to any situation in which we’ve decided to be direct.

As we grow, we find that being direct will save time and relieve stress in the long run. It takes us out of the victim role, does away with the martyrdom we imagine ourselves in, and cuts us out of playing mind games: Being direct puts us into the position of a mature and reasonable adult responsible for his or her own feelings and behaviors. It will aid us in forming lasting and respectful relationships.

We feel safe and stable around direct, honest people. Go out and be one.

Religion vs. Spirituality

I just spent several hours with someone from my group, and I feel like I'm losing my mind. This woman insisted that the only way I would make progress in my program was to go to her church and succumb to her religious rules. She pushed and insisted, and insisted and pushed. She's been in the program so much longer than I have. I kept thinking that she must know what she's talking about. But it didn't feel right. And now I feel crazy, afraid, guilty, and ashamed. —Anonymous

We do not have to feel afraid, ashamed, or insecure because we don't share someone’s beliefs about religion. No where in the Program do we link successful recovery to a specific religious affiliation. While the Twelve Steps are a journey of spiritual growth and fulfillment, it doesn't demand religious conformity from those it helps.

Today, people often separate religion from spirituality. Religion is about the organization of people and their beliefs, which are placed within a structural body and focuses more on the group as a whole. In contrast, spirituality is about your personal approach to life. It's about what you choose to believe in and how you live your life.

The spiritual path we walk in conjunction with the Twelve Steps is our own. It is a relationship that we form with God as we understand Him. It is integral to our recovery that we build a relationship with our Higher Power. Spiritual growth is part of the program and we need a Power greater than ourselves to keep us sane and to heal our brokenness.