Do you want to right or reconciled?

Recovery is not about being right; it's about being yourself and accepting others as they are.

We have been groomed to believe that if you’re right, you’re okay, and if you’re wrong, you’re at fault. We may have hung our entire self image and self worth on being right, and were confronted with a loss of identity when we were wrong.

In recovery, we have to remember that it’s progress, not perfection. We have to gain a healthy understanding of giving and receiving love, not a superiority over others. While it’s true that we sometimes have to make decisions about people’s behavior, we can learn to do that without belittling the person. Taking care of ourselves does not mean raising ourselves above the person we’re in conflict with.

If someone’s words or actions are harming us, then it is our responsibility to stand up and protect ourselves. However, we do this by setting up and maintaining good boundaries, and keeping the focus on our own thoughts and feelings. This way, we avoid the temptation of placing blame on someone us.

Through the Twelve Steps we are learning that what is right for others doesn’t have to be right for us. Our actions are separate from those of the people we’re in contact with, and what others choose to do isn’t our business.

Although we may want to default to the comfort of superiority in being right, analyzing and criticizing the actions of others, it is ultimately more beneficial to turn the focus on ourselves and how we can improve our own lives and recovery.