What's your worth? Knowing makes all the difference

Some take humility to an extreme, going beyond a healthy awareness of one’s own imperfections and seemingly discounting themselves as human beings. Despite the poor choices we may have made in our past -- and the poor choices we will undoubtedly make in the future -- we are not obligated to relinquish our decision-making capabilities to someone else. We do not have to think highly of everyone around us while we hold a poor opinion of ourselves. We do not have to let people gain that power over us.

In recovery, we learn about our worth as a living, breathing, thinking, feeling individual. We learn that, for better or worse, our thoughts, actions, and emotions belong to no one but us, and that is our right as human beings. We will heal from old wounds, and learn new, healthier ways of processing and reacting to situations.

·         When someone blames us for a problem he or she caused, we don’t feel guilty or try to fix it. We turn the other cheek and let that person face the consequences of his or her actions.

·         When we find ourselves being manipulated or exploited, we know that it’s okay to feel angry or mistrustful, and we have every right to refuse the person doing it.

·         When someone tries to change our mind about something we know we don’t want, or tries to talk us out of something we know we do want, we’re able to trust ourselves.

·         When someone tries to convince us of something we don’t believe, we know that we can stick to our guns and remain unshaken.

·         We even know that, if we so choose, we can change our mind down the road.

We don’t have to give up what makes us human to anyone: not to a friend, a spouse, family, strangers, our children, or even those in authority over us. We should remain open-minded to what people have to say: there could very well be something we can learn from them. They may be better educated than we are, or look more confident than we feel, but we’re all human. We’re all made up of the same stuff, and we’re all entitled to our thoughts, feelings, and beliefs. We may not have anything in common with someone else, but that does not take away any of our worth.

It’s important to remember that we are not second-class citizens. By accepting our worth, we do not have to resort to aggressive or controlling behaviors to validate what we think or feel. When we stop acting defensively and discounting others, we find that we’re no longer compelled to discount ourselves either. 

Sometimes, surrender is the most powerful action you can take

Surrender is phrased in the third of the 12 Steps as “making a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God, as we understand him.”

Through surrendering to our Higher Power, we find that we have become empowered. Free from the bondage of self, we are now empowered to live in new, better, more constructive ways than we ever thought possible.

We find doors opening for us; exciting opportunities present themselves to us. We are able to focus our energies, finally, in ways that benefit us and those around us. We see the plan for our lives become clearer, and we are at peace with our place in the world.

And we do come to realize, most assuredly, that there is a plan and a place especially for us. It is made clear, and we will have total comfort in knowing that our Higher Power will keep us on the right path, with all our needs provided for. Whatever it is, it will be good. It will bring us exactly where we're meant to be, and it will be good.

If we are coming out of a place of weakness and uncertainty, it can be hard to accept the empowerment that comes with our surrender. But as long as our hearts and minds remain open to it, it will come naturally. Our position of powerlessness and helplessness is not permanent; it is a temporary stop to gather ourselves as we determine where we have been trying to gain power, though we had none.

Empowerment does not mean we now hold the power in our lives. It means we have come to the proper place of surrender to our Higher Power, and we have been given the ability to follow the plan our Higher Power has laid out for us. Accept the empowerment, and move toward the life you are meant to have, and the place you are meant to be.